I think of myself as a good person. I say hi to people on the street, I let people go in front of me at the grocery store when I have 50 items and they only have one or two, I let many a poor driving decision maker over because their lane is ending and they’re about to hit a wall, and most importantly, I stop on a busy highway to help people change a tire (true story).  I even open the door for people.  Babs insisted on this. Yes, Babs was to bring her three children up with Manners. I mentioned once I went to Cotillion and it’s no lie – Babs would make sure that especially her youngest boy had the highest in high society training. Then she moved us to a farm 8 miles from the nearest grocery store and gas station. They happened to be one in the same – Hills Market.  It was a gas station in the front and when you went through the front doors, you were in the grocery store where there were three check-out stands. It was big time, I tell you.  You wouldn’t believe how the town reacted when they got their first Safeway. People didn’t know what to do with all that space – all that variety. Oh the idea of Distribution Logistics was beating it’s drum for Safeway – until WalMart showed up.  Now Safeway is a furniture store. I’m rambling

So, as I said, I think I’m a good person. I’ve definitely had the training as you can see.  All that training, however, does not get one from having the occasional inappropriate thought.  Let me give you a great example. You see, The Wife works for a local advertising agency that is conveniently located next to The House of Charity in Spokane. It’s an amazing operation, even I must say.  I have no idea what they do in there, but whatever it is, people feel good about themselves when they leave. I’ve passed some of them (remind me to tell you that story) and they’re the nicest people. They stop you and talk to you, ask you how you are and are totally courteous.  So with that said, I confessed to The Wife the other day that every time I pass The House of Charity I sing a little jingle to myself. It goes a little something like this:

“Give it on up to Homelessville”.

Don’t know why this is funny to me and others? Then you have some homework to do. Please watch this short educational piece featuring Justin Timberlake (The greatest SNL entertainer of the millennium) and Will Forte.

Now, is definitely a talented guy.  His ability to dance in a Cup o’ Soup costume is proof. If you don’t believe that, then watch this – doing the MC Hammer in a Gingerbread outfit?

A special thanks to Hulu & YouTube & of course, The GarrOlsen’s, for the clips!

Anyway, so the first time he and I met, we had this conversation.  He thought my response was funny.  I think.  I can’t really tell sometimes with Mike because he has this blank start response and you don’t know if he’s going to burst out laughing or put you in a choke-hold.  So fast forward to a few months later.  We’re at a nice Las Vegas restaurant, Carluccios Tivoli Gardens (I highly recommend – right next to the Liberace Museum), sitting in the atrium, eating the bread that was just delivered, when Mike looks straight at me and says, “What do you think of Drew Carey replacing Bob Barker on the Price Is Right?” He doesn’t even crack a smile.  He just said straight to me like he’d been pondering his feelings on this whole CBS decision to replace Bob Barker with Drew Carey.  I thought to myself, “How should I Frerking (big ups to The Greatest Vet of All Time, Dr. Thad Frerking) know?”  I mean, really, when did I become an expert on the Price Is Right? Then, in his Mike way, he looks straight at me again and with a delivery only Mike can pull off, he says, “That’s what you do all day, right?  Just watch TV?”  Defeated as can be, I watched as The Wife and Jen laughed their butts off at my expense.

I work.  I know no one thinks I do.  Donnie Boom Boom (my Dad) definitely doesn’t think I work. He told my sister that.  But I do work!  In fact, just yesterday, I had a local Spokane company ask me to talk to them about the Web Business.  I put on my best Seven Jeans, my Express blue and white striped shirt and my Wood Grain Aldo shoes with matching belt  – Yes Boys – You MUST match your belt with your shoes – we’ll have a fashion discussion later.  And the Pièce de résistance – my brand new Ted Baker Chesterfield Coat.  See, a long time ago, a colleague of mine looked at my bad outfit at work one day and said, “Ash, don’t dress for the job you have, dress for the job you want to have.  And, I’m not necessarily talking about your clothes.”   It was obviously about selling your self.  So, I learned that if you want to impress someone in business, you have to own the meeting.

Now, that mentality can get you into trouble, but it works a majority of the time.  Especially in my industry where it is a lot of introverted people who don’t interact well in meeting situations.  So I bring to the table the opposite.  I own the meeting.  So, I’m meeting with these two guys yesterday and I have this thought as one of them is speaking.

I wonder…Here I am, a business owner- it says CEO on my business card.  I’m an expert in my industry.  THE GUY that they want to be talking to.  They must think I’m a powerhouse.  A bad a$$ business man – all knowing.  They must think “I’ll bet he eats people for breakfast all day long.”

So, later last night, I’m driving with The Wife and I confess this thought to her.  She laughed at me, put her hand on my shoulder and said, “Oh Ash, you are a funny man!”  I think she was mocking me.  So then I told her that I had a thought after that thought.

What they don’t know is that I actually eat Lucky Charms for breakfast.  Then I usually change out of my PJ’s at about 11:30, make the bed and then shower.