Many of you have sent me links to articles similar to this one regarding the smuggling of dishwasher detergent into Spokane from out of state/city:

• AirAmerica: Housewives Smuggling Illegal Soap into Spokane

First, I’d like to thank AirAmerica for including my sort – the SAHDiNK – by referring to the househusbands along with the housewives in this article.  I must tell you how frustrating it is to read article after article about stay at home types and only see the word “wife” in conjunction with the word “house”.  I find it oh so offensive and commend AirAmerica for standing up for The HouseHusband.  Now, yes, this soap smuggling seems to be a big controversy.  To the point that I overheard The Early Show discussing the issue on national television while working in my home-office.  Yes, Mike & Jersey Jen (from Michigan) – I overheard the TV in the family room while I was working in the office – I wasn’t watching.  The issue seems to be that the Spokane River has become an endangered river because of industrial dumping.  I don’t get it.  I was at the Spokane Falls last week and it looks rather clean to me.  I didn’t see garbage floating or oil seeping from the water.  It looked pretty fresh to me – I would swim in it if it weren’t traveling at 1,000 miles an hour – though it might be fun to try to tube it at least once. I’m rambling

For those of you who have inquired about this issue, I’m here to set the record straight.  We are NOT smuggling  illegal dishwasher detergents into Spokane.  Let me repeat my self: We are absolutely, unequivocally NOT smuggling in Electrosol Finish^® All in 1 PowerBall^® Tabs – Fresh Scent dishwasher detergent, even though it is far superior to the Palmolive Eco-Friendly brand we bought that doesn’t Frerking (big ups to The Greatest Vet of All Time, Dr. Thad Frerking) work worth a lick.

Now that that’s settled, I thought I’d tell you an interesting find I had two days ago.  First, a little back story.  The Wife and I decided last year to join the couple who introduced us on a little trip.  I’m sure all of you parents and dog owners can relate to this – what do you do with your kid(s)?  In the case of the couple joining us, they were able to have their parents take their daughter for the time we’re away.  But what do you do with an 11 month old vizsla puppy?  The Wife’s aunt & uncle graciously offered, but it seems like every time Hogan visits their home, he’s destroying something.  You’ll probably remember the Wednesday Night Soup incident of 2008 where The gUrt was officially banned from their home by me in an effort to skirt the imminent ban by The Wife’s aunt and uncle.  There’s always the Kennel, but the last time he came back from there, he didn’t have a voice and slept for 3 days straight, so we weren’t too keen on that idea either.  I know Babs would watch him, but there’s the issue of getting him to Denver.  OOOh – wouldn’t it be great to send him to Donnie Boom Boom and Nanc?  We’d never be invited back.  What to do, what to do…

Well, the best option was to take The Big Guy and Mama J up on their offer to watch him for the week.  We’ve done the same for them and watched their dogs, so how hard can it be, right?  I mean  what’s the worst he’s done whilst visiting The Big Guy and Mama J?  HHHmmm – well let’s start with the latest incident: the new Rattan Pet Residence.  About a month ago, we were visiting Walla Walla and there on the doorstep were two brand new Rattan Pet Residences for the Big Guy and me to assemble.  While we were assembling it, I asked The Big Guy if he thought the dogs would chew through the wicker side panels.  His reply was a surprisingly stern “No, they won’t,” as if he had had a sit down with the dogs and discussed the consequences of chewing on the wicker hotel.  Well, apparently he didn’t have that conversation with The gUrt because last weekend, The gUrt did some remodeling to the hotel he was visiting and added an ocean view window.  Just so you know, you can purchase replacement side panels directly from Mr Herzhers…though it helps to know what size the Rattan Pet Residence was before you make the call.

Remodeling the Rattan Pet Residence wasn’t the only incident.  They’ve had to replace several sleeping pads because of incessant chewing.  Oh, and then there was the Nativity Scene incident during Christmas of 2008 where Hogan & Vinnie ran into the front entry full blast and broke an angel, I think a shepherd, and gave baby Jesus a good wack to the skull on the glass table.  Then, there was the reverse potty training we did with The gUrt where he apparently un-learned his bathroom skills and peed everywhere in their house.  Lets just say I’m worried that we may not be invited back to Walla Walla when we return from our trip.

There was an interesting outcome to this story.  In order for everything to work out, we decided it was best to leave Hogan in Walla Walla while we were visiting the weekend before we left.  Of course, we decided that after we had already left Walla Walla, had visited GPat and GrandpaNorm in Lewiston, Idaho and then were on our way back to Spokane.  We agreed that The Wife’s aunt would pick up The gUrt one morning during the week and take him back to Lewiston, where she was to see Mama J and visit GPat and GrandpaNorm.  Then Mama J would take him back with Vinnie to Walla Walla until we returned from our trip.

That morning, I was working in my office and it was about time for The Wife’s aunt to arrive.  I decided I would go spend some time with The gUrt as I knew I would miss him.  It’s funny, working from home, he and I are always together.  We’re together to the point that a lot of the time, if I’m running an errand, I’ll take him with me.  He really is my best friend.  I knew it was going to be hard being away from him for so long, and The Wife was feeling the same.  Hogan must have sensed it because when I went looking for him, I couldn’t find him anywhere.  It was like he totally vanished.  As I passed by the bedroom, I noticed that the bed was in major disarray.  Normally, I wouldn’t think twice about this because I usually make the bed as I hear the garage door lifting – signaling that The Wife is home and I’d better quickly pick up the house and shower before she finds out that The gUrt & I have been partying all day.  But because we were expecting company that day, I had made the bed earlier that morning.  Walking by and finding the bed totally destroyed, I figured out what was going on.  I walked in and quickly realized – The gUrt wasn’t sleeping, he was hiding.  He had totally burrowed his way under the pillows and two comforters in hope that whatever was going on would pass him by.

I’m absolutely amazed by animals and their natural intuition – their ability to read us.

The gUrt's Remodeling Project

I have to say that moving to Spokane has been quite an adjustment.  Don’t get me wrong, I love it up here, but you quickly realize when you move away from Las Vegas that you begin to miss some of the luxuries of living in that kind of environment.  In Las Vegas, for instance, the normal time to eat is around 8 or 9.  Here, restaurants are dead at 8 or 9.  In Las Vegas, you can go shopping until the evening on Sunday.  The Wife found that when she tried to visit many of the boutique type stores in Spokane, they weren’t even opened on Sunday.

There are other things that I really miss.  Customer Service is so bad in Las Vegas that I found myself enjoying using kiosks to make some of my purchases.  If you go to The Home Depot or Lowes (I love you Gene Hackman) or any grocery store…even the Post Office, you don’t ever have to talk to anyone.  You can use the kiosk and do the old self service gig.  I loved it.  When we moved to Spokane, I really realized how much I loved the kiosk idea.  One day, I went into the Post Office to mail something to Tiff & TroyBoy and was met by the rudest postal worker.  I’ve had some pretty bad service at the Post Office in the past, but this guy Steve at the 57th & Regal Post Office was a real Frerking (big ups to The Greatest Vet of All Time, Dr. Thad Frerking) piece of work.  I was paying for my purchase and he told me that I needed to sign my credit card.  I told him I didn’t ever sign the backs of my cards because it prompts them to ask for ID.  He told me that the Post Office didn’t accept unsigned cards.  I quickly wrote “See ID” on the back of the card because a long line was starting to form.  Of course, a long line was of no concern to him because he  then responded letting me know he wouldn’t accept it because it wasn’t signed.  After a verbal battle, I reluctantly agreed “See ID” was not in fact a valid signature and therefore I signed it with a violent scratch followed by my promptly asking to see his supervisor.  Boy, I was going to show him!  As he left to grab the guy, I quickly realized as I scanned the crowd that not only was this going to be a a waste of my own time, but the crowd was starting to reach for their lynching gear and wait for me in the parking lot.  I quickly & quietly ducked out the door before the supervisor arrived and the lynching ensued.  I’m rambling.

I’ve also noticed since we moved that some of life’s conveniences aren’t available either.  Especially at Albertson’s.  I like this flavored water called Clear Excellence.  They make a really good Blackberry Apple flavor, but I found that when we moved, the Albertson’s in Spokane doesn’t carry it.  It’s an Albertson’s brand.  How do they not carry it?  I asked about 20 people that worked there if they could get it in and they finally put me in front of the stocking manager.  She told me they don’t make it anymore…I don’t believe her.

This past weekend, we decided to host part of a young adults group from our church at our house.  It was an interesting concept – a “progressive” dinner.  The group starts at one house for appetizers, then moves onto the next place for a small dinner, then the next place for the other part of dinner, then onto a final house for dessert.  We pulled the appetizers card, so The Wife and I decided we’d do the following:

• Caprese Salad – mozzarella cheese chunks with Roma tomatoes & basil, topped with Red Dog Vinegar.  Red Dog Vinegar was a Walla Walla Red Wine that The Big Guy made into vinegar.  I thought is was a pretty strange project, but it ended up being AWESOME!  One Point – The Big Guy.
• Hummus with Crackers and Carrots.  I spent a ton of time picking out red, green, yellow and orange peppers, only to find that we didn’t use them.
• Crostini’s with some sort of Feta Cheese mix (The Wife is guarding the recipe – sorry!)
• Fruit Skewers with Watermelon, Pineapple, Grapes & Strawberries.

The last item on the list was an interesting recipe I found in the Giadas Kitchen Cookbook.  She’s so hot.  I decided I’d make it.

I headed over to Albertson’s, running late as usual, and found all of the items on the shopping list.  In true Albertson’s fashion, though, I was completely unable to locate the most important Crostata with Apples, Walnuts, and Gorgonzola recipe ingredient – Mascarpone Cheese.  I didn’t even know what Mascarpone Cheese Frerking was.  And, much to my surprise, neither did anyone that worked for Albertson’s.  After asking for help, this mess of a deli girl and I scoured the shelves.  No luck.

So what do you do in this situation?  It’s 4:00 PM people are showing up at 6:00 PM.  Do you scrap it and go home with what you have?  Frerking no way man!  Giada’s way too hot for that lack of effort.  What you do is high tail it to Rocket Market and hope that they have it.  Much to my relief, they did and I made it home managing to prepare the appetizer in record time.  Just as the company arrived, we were pulling it out of the oven.

Question for Albertson’s: What’s it going to take to get my Blackberry Apple water?

My Girl, Giada’s, Crostata with Apples, Walnuts, and Gorgonzola Recipe (Thanks Babe!)

Giada Delaurentiis - Food Hottie

(see a similar recipe on the Food Network)

Ingredients

For the Pastry:

• 1 ½ cups all purpose flour
• ½ teaspoon salt
• 3 tablespoons cold, unsalted butter, cut into small pieces
• ½ cup Mascarpone Cheese
• 1 ½ tablespoons lemon juice
• 3 tablespoons ice water
• 1 tablespoon sugar (added along with the dry ingredients, chilled)
• 1 large egg, lightly beaten

For the Filling:

• 3 tablespoons unsalted butter
• 4 small Granny Smith apples, peeled, cored, and cut into ¼ inch slices
• ¼ cup sugar
• ¾ teaspoon ground cinnamon
• 1 tablespoon fresh lemon juice
• 1 teaspoon grated lemon zest
• ½ cup chopped walnuts
• 1/3 cup crumbled Gorgonzola cheese

Directions

For the crust: In a food processor combine the flour, salt, and sugar, and pulse to combine. Add the butter and pulse until the butter is finely chopped and the mixture resembles coarse meal. Add the Mascarpone and lemon juice and pulse a few times. Add the ice water and run the machine just until the mixture is moist and crumbly, but do not form a ball¹. Roll the dough out onto a sheet of plastic wrap and press into a disk. Wrap the dough tightly and refrigerate for 20 minutes.

For the apple filling: Melt the butter in a large nonstick skillet over medium heat. Add the apple slices, sugar, and cinnamon and cook, stirring frequently, for 5 minutes, until the apples are softened but not mushy. Set aside to cool for 10 minutes. Stir in the lemon juice and zest, walnuts, and Gorgonzola cheese.

Place on an oven rack in the lower third of the oven and reheat the oven to 400.

Unwrap the chilled dough and place it on a sheet of parchment paper. Roll the dough into an 11-inch circle, about ¼ inch thick.  Lift the parchment paper and transfer it and the dough to the baking sheet².

Spread the cooled apple filling in the center of the dough circle, leaving a 2-inch border. Fold the dough border up over the filling to form an 8-inch round, pleating the edge of the pastry³. Brush the crust with the beaten egg.

Bake the crostata until the crust is golden, about 25 minutes. Cool on the baking sheet for 10 minutes before slicing. Makes 4 servings.

¹Giada means this.  Do not form a ball. I did and it made it difficult to add the sugar when I realized I’d forgotten to add it.  I sprinkled it on top at the end before baking it and that made everything A-OK.

²I don’t know what parchment paper is, nor did we have it.  I went ahead and used wax paper.  NOTE: Don’t put the wax paper in the oven.  It smokes up the house.

³If you are a little out of the loop like I was on what exactly it means to pleat the dough, I can’t help you.  I finally handed that part over to The Wife for finishing touches.

Part of the joy of being a SAHDiNK is that I get to work from home.  That’s right, I work at my high top desk in the front office of our beautiful home nestled in on the south side of the South Hill in Spokane.  I was eating lunch a month ago and looked out the window and saw a Moose eating snow by the house.  Not something you see every day.  I’d show you a picture, but as I pulled out the iPhone and loaded up the camera, the Moose ran along the side of the house to the front.  At that point, The gUrt went crazy barking up a storm at the GINORMOUS (his words, not mine) dog outside.  All that racket plus Mark and Mary’s minivan chasing it up the street caused so much commotion for the poor cow that she rolled up the neighbors driveway and ran back behind their house into the forest.  There’s a lake below our neighborhood and the forest is above us, so I think she uses our neighborhood to access the lake for a drink.  She’s really tidy – doesn’t poop on the street or our driveways, so I appreciate that.  I was cleaning up the yard and noticed that she did however poop on the grass by the dining room window.  I’m rambling.

So, working from home has it’s benefits.  Like for instance, on Wednesday, I was able to cut out a little early (4:30) from the office and make my way to the kitchen and start dinner – it was our turn at Wednesday Soup Night.  It was awesome.  The Wife decided that Matrimonio I-Taliano Soupa was the way to go.  Now, a couple weeks ago, I mastered Mamma J’s Soupe à l’oignon gratinée so I thought I would give this one a shot.  It was an interesting recipe.  You have to make these crazy little meatballs and then you throw them into a chicken broth based soup and cook it for about 10 – 20 minutes.  It was awesome.  So I hear.  The attendee’s said it was really good.

One of the joys of working at home is that you can easily service your clientele because everything you need is there.  One of my clients, R+W Advertising was re-launching their website the next morning and needed some last minute assistance.  As this is pretty typical on the eve of any website launch, I was on it ASAP to do what I do best!  This new site is an interesting concept.  There’s this idea called Web 2.0 that is this perceived second generation of the web.  It’s centered around mass communication and utilizes Social Networking on the Internet to facilitate it.  So, being the innovative guy that Scott Robertson is, he and his team re-designed their site around this Web 2.0 concept.  Check out the new Web 2.0 RW-Live.com website to see more about it!  Now, what does this have to do with Matrimonio I-Taliano Soupa?  Nothing, but it was a great lead in to plug my friend’s website and make you more interested!  As for the soup, I was busy assisting with the launch of the RW-Live.com website, so I didn’t taste it until later.  Let me tell you – it was Frerking Amazing! (big ups to The Greatest Vet of All Time, Dr. Thad Frerking) And, I’m not a fan of reheated food, but it was really good reheated the next day, unlike the  Mamma J’s Soupe à l’oignon gratinée which doesn’t seem to reheat very well.  I can’t post the Mamma J’s Soupe à l’oignon gratinée because it is some crazy family historical recipe that goes back to the old days in Orofino, ID, but I’ve added the recipe for the Matrimonio I-Taliano Soupa below, so ENJOY!

Oh, and for the various readers that feel they’re perverted because the two apples make them think of a pair of Great Big Old…you are correct, that’s why I went with them.

My Girl, Giada’s, Matrimonio I-Taliano Soupa Recipe (Thanks Babe!)

Giada Delaurentiis - Food Hottie

(see it on the Food Network)

Ingredients

Meatballs:

• 1 small onion, grated
• 1/3 cup chopped fresh Italian parsley
• 1 large egg
• 1 teaspoon minced garlic
• 1 teaspoon salt
• 1 slice fresh white bread¹, crust trimmed, bread torn into small pieces
• ½ cup grated Parmesan
• 8 ounces ground beef
• 8 ounces ground pork
• Freshly ground black pepper

Soup:

• 12 cups low-sodium chicken broth
• 1 pound curly endive, coarsely chopped (1 pound of escarole² would be a good substitution)
• 2 large eggs
• 2 tablespoon freshly grated Parmesan, plus extra for garnish
• Salt and freshly ground black pepper

Directions

To make the meatballs: Stir the first 6 ingredients in a large bowl to blend. Stir in the cheese, beef and pork. Using 1 ½ teaspoons for each, shape the meat mixture into 1-inch-diameter meatballs. Place on a baking sheet³.

To make the soup: Bring the broth to a boil in a large pot over medium-high heat. Add the meatballs and curly endive and simmer until the meatballs are cooked through and the curly endive is tender, about 8 minutes. Whisk the eggs and cheese in a medium bowl to blend. Stir the soup in a circular motion. Gradually drizzle the egg mixture into the moving broth, stirring gently with a fork to form thin stands of egg, about 1 minute. Season the soup to taste with salt and pepper.

Ladle the soup into bowls and serve. Finish soup with parmesan cheese if desired.

Now, Giada missed the Pasta part – but use orzo or what was next to orzo at Alberton’s – looks like little balls.  I used the whole box – way too much.  I’d use half, but use as much ash you’d like!

¹I didn’t have White Bread because Babs never allowed it in the house. I did have Texas Toast from breakfast The Wife made for Liberty Wright (She’s Single Boys!) on her birthday, so I used that instead of the Wheat Bread that Babs still makes me eat.

²Albertsons, like my favorite Blackberry Apple Clear Excellence Water, didn’t have Endive either, so we went with Escarole – whatever, I don’t think it matters. It’s all basically lettuce, I think.

³I’m just warning you – it helps to have a sous chef like The gUrt because this is the messy part!

Happy Saint Patricks Day.  It’s my favorite day of the year!

I think of myself as a good person. I say hi to people on the street, I let people go in front of me at the grocery store when I have 50 items and they only have one or two, I let many a poor driving decision maker over because their lane is ending and they’re about to hit a wall, and most importantly, I stop on a busy highway to help people change a tire (true story).  I even open the door for people.  Babs insisted on this. Yes, Babs was to bring her three children up with Manners. I mentioned once I went to Cotillion and it’s no lie – Babs would make sure that especially her youngest boy had the highest in high society training. Then she moved us to a farm 8 miles from the nearest grocery store and gas station. They happened to be one in the same – Hills Market.  It was a gas station in the front and when you went through the front doors, you were in the grocery store where there were three check-out stands. It was big time, I tell you.  You wouldn’t believe how the town reacted when they got their first Safeway. People didn’t know what to do with all that space – all that variety. Oh the idea of Distribution Logistics was beating it’s drum for Safeway – until WalMart showed up.  Now Safeway is a furniture store. I’m rambling

So, as I said, I think I’m a good person. I’ve definitely had the training as you can see.  All that training, however, does not get one from having the occasional inappropriate thought.  Let me give you a great example. You see, The Wife works for a local advertising agency that is conveniently located next to The House of Charity in Spokane. It’s an amazing operation, even I must say.  I have no idea what they do in there, but whatever it is, people feel good about themselves when they leave. I’ve passed some of them (remind me to tell you that story) and they’re the nicest people. They stop you and talk to you, ask you how you are and are totally courteous.  So with that said, I confessed to The Wife the other day that every time I pass The House of Charity I sing a little jingle to myself. It goes a little something like this:

“Give it on up to Homelessville”.

Don’t know why this is funny to me and others? Then you have some homework to do. Please watch this short educational piece featuring Justin Timberlake (The greatest SNL entertainer of the millennium) and Will Forte.

Now, is definitely a talented guy.  His ability to dance in a Cup o’ Soup costume is proof. If you don’t believe that, then watch this – doing the MC Hammer in a Gingerbread outfit?

A special thanks to Hulu & YouTube & of course, The GarrOlsen’s, for the clips!

We’ve got the most finicky dog.  When he was a young puppy, The Big Guy (my Father-In-Law) told us that he had been feeding the puppies Nutro-Max puppy food because it was high in protein or fat or nutrition or something you want puppies to have.  He’d know because he’s The Big Guy and knows everything.  That’s why he’s writing a book called “Things I believe to be true but aren’t”.  Ok, so that’s not the title but it has something to do with the fact that he says things he believes are true, knowing full well that they “might” not be.  Anyway, so he puts the puppies on this Nutro-Max and at 7 weeks old, low and behold – Hogan wouldn’t touch it.  We took him to the Vet in Las Vegas – My Wife calls the guy Thaddeus Drumm because it’s written on his diploma.  Oh yeah, why don’t you just leave off Frerking (last name) there because so many Doctors like to be called by their first and middle name, not Dr. Last Name.  I’m rambling.

So, Thaddeus Drumm suggests that we serve him a nice helping of Science Diet.  That works out because he loved it!  Except for the fact that the first time we get Hogan together with his brother Vinnie, Vinnie outweighs him by about 50 pounds.  So The Big Guy suggests that we start feeding him this wet food on top of the Science Diet.

That’s all really boring back-story to get you up to the point when I went to buy all this freakin’ food for the little guy.  So, I headed over to the local Spokane PetCo and pick up a nice bag of Science Diet and then I hopped over to the wet food isle and look for the food that The Big Guy had been feeding Vinnie.  It’s in a purple can labeled Nutro-Max and says something about Chicken & Lamb  & Rice.  That’s all I remember – rather that’s all I took the time to imprint on my brain because I have so much else going on in my life.  I found this purple Chicken & Lamb & Rice Nutro-Max Puppy wet food.  PERFECT!  Right under it was a full unopened case, so I slid that one out from underneath and headed up to the Check Stand.  That’s right folks – that’s One Point for Ash!  I’m going to be the hero tonight!

Fast – forward, it’s about 7:00 PM and The Wife has come home from work.  I’m preparing this nice gourmet meal for the HogUrt and as I finish opening the lid on the can, I notice something odd – the food The Big Guy fed the pups was chunky…this one is a ground up, masshed up mess!  So, I start bitching about it and look at the side of the can:

Nutro-Max Chicken & Lamb & Rice – WEIGHT CONTROL

After dropping a few F-Bombs and then fessing up to my honey that I might have grabbed the wrong food, I proceed to get hazed for being the dog owner that feeds his anorexic dog weight control dog food.

Awesome.

Nutro Max - Chicken, Rice & Lamb - For Adult Dogs (What I Really Wanted)

Nutro-Max Chicken, Lamb & Rice - For Puppies (What I thought I wanted)

Nutro-Max Chicken, Rice & Vegetable - For Fatties (What I got - Dangit)