The gUrt got himself a new website and Facebook page. It was only a matter of time seeing that the little bugger sleeps 18 hours a day. You’ve got to figure that he’s basically a high school-er now, so all he’d do is sleep and Facebook people. I’m not really sure how the heck people find him, but he has a few friends already. One is some Rap Producer, something Beatmaster Beatmaking. That’s because he friended Scott Storch, his favorite hip-hop producer. Then, somehow, a bunch of other dogs found him and friended him. It’s insane. Feel free to visit his site (HoganVizsla.com or ThegUrt.com) – watch for explicit lyrics – and his Facebook page. He’s good to know.

I’d like to share a letter I wrote to the President and CEO of Southwest Airlines:

Dear Gary:

I still feel funny writing “Dear”, especially to a Travel Czar such as yourself. Sorry, shouldn’t call you Czar – that’s not always a good label. Travel Genius? I feel like something a little more hard is the way to start it. Maybe how wrestlers greet each other by smashing chairs over each others heads. But then, you wouldn’t be President & CEO anymore, so maybe we should just stick to “Dear Gary.” I’m rambling.

I’m writing you because I’m positive that you rarely get fan mail, rather scathing ones lighting you up because you’re running what some out there call the “Greyhound of the skies”. I, however, disagree – other than the quality of some of the passengers at times – especially those coming out of Las Vegas. I love Southwest. I like the fact that if I’m on my game, I can get A-Priority seating and take the left hand aisle seat in row 6. I prefer it there because I’m off the plane quick when we land, although the lady that just sat next to me going to Seattle was a Boeing Flight Tester and she said you’re safer over the wings. Usually, the first three rows are the biggest disasters on the plane, so rows 4 & 5 shield me a little from the madness. I especially appreciate you changing the ABC Cattle Call loading to a numbered ABC system. Flights have been a little more pleasant since those days. I almost fist-punched a guy at McCarran because he got in my face when he thought I was moving to the front of the line, when I was just using the split railing to balance my dinner. I’m rambling again.

Mike and Jersey Jen (from Michigan) always give me crap because we tend to have a crazy travel schedule. Well in honor of them, I decided to accept the invitation to stand in the Woods wedding in Denver the same weekend as the annual March of Dimes Signature Chefs event in Las Vegas. Here’s the kicker. The rehearsal dinner was on Friday night and the Bride was insistent that I be there for the rehearsal since two of the groomsmen were not attending the rehearsal. That would have left Frameo alone up there and that’s never a good thing because he gets into trouble. But, the wedding was actually on Sunday evening and with the Signature Chefs event on Saturday, I naturally thought it wise to fly to Las Vegas in between the dinner and wedding. It made sense to me, the groom seemed OK with it, but I think the Bride was pretty irritated about it. Probably not because I was flying somewhere in between, but because I was specifically flying to Las Vegas.

My flight out of Spokane arrived in Denver at 3:00, about a half hour late, which happens, so I was OK with it. Sunday was the day I was worried about anyway. The church was beautiful, nestled into the lower mountains in Genesee. October in the Colorado Rockies is amazing, but that was offset by a psycho wedding planner who threatened to keep the contract deposit if anything went wrong. Dinner was great – a little cabin set ona river in Evergreen. The Bride and Groom were happy and told great stories, especially one involving Frameo giving Scott the “Anal Cleaning Bug” for housekeeping, but seemed to be mis-interpreted by everyone in the room including his 80 year old grandpa who was very with it. I stayed the night at D-Train’s and hit the airport early on Saturday morning.

The 8 AM flight out of Denver to Las Vegas went smooth as can be and before I knew it, I was eating breakfast at Harry’s Bagelmania, a Jewish bagel shop in the Las Vegas ghetto. They’re really mean to you there – the kind of mean that keeps you coming back for more. Afterward, we did a little shopping and then off to the event. Signature Chefs is incredible. 30 Chefs from the Las Vegas Strip, you couldn’t possibly eat like that in one trip let alone one night. The food was as promised – exquisite. The March of Dimes folks are always appreciative of our help and hosted a table for me, so I naturally brought down The Big Guy and Mama J, UG & Aunt Julie and invited, of course, Mike and Jersey Jen (from Michigan) and LW (Liberty Wright). I ate like a king and then back to bed, early to rise for another ride back to the airport.

Signature Chefs of Las Vegas

The 7 AM flight out of Las Vegas, back to Denver, was the one that counted. When we hit the runway, 5 minutes before the scheduled take-off, I toyed with the idea of sending a text message stating I was in jail and detoxing. Then I remembered The Wife and Miss King on their wedding days (the perfect Brides!) and thought, “better not wake a sleeping dog”, right? I arrived 30 minutes early to my delight and had enough time to hit some of my favorite Denver sites before heading up to the wedding. The wedding was awesome, except the pastor spoke about 20 minutes too long and the flagstone floor we were standing on was killing us. Plus the psycho wedding planner told us that people fainted up there all the time, so I was worried that would be me. Court (Bridesmaid) had to sit down it was so bad! The reception was great and everyone enjoyed themselves. It was at this nice Lake House in Evergreen.  There were elk grazing on the golf course.  Everyone was surprised I had been gone and back.

Evergreen Lakehouse

The noontime flight out was a little rough. The pilot did a great job of getting the plane, which was going every direction but straight, up above the clouds. Just about when I saw the space shuttle was when it subsided. It was smooth sailing all the way back to Seattle, then to Spokane. Which leads me to say, I’m sorry you didn’t get the merger deal with Frontier and that they sold to Republic. That made a lot of sense to me – sell to a company that doesn’t have any experience flying long routes and jet planes. But hey, they were thinking of their employees, right? No matter, you’ll buy them for about 25 cents on the dollar next year when they can’t afford gas.

Give this guy a raise:

Thanks again for being so reliable,

Word.

Ash Boodel

P.S. From The gUrt:

Mr. Gary.

Thanks for allowing dogs on your planes now. If you only had direct flights out of Spokane, my dad would fly me places. Maybe when you buy Frontier next year, that’ll allow me travel. I bet you smell good.

The gUrt
HoganVizsla @ Gmail . com
Send Me A Bone!

Well, as you can see, another day another dollar! Until next time…

I have to say that moving to Spokane has been quite an adjustment.  Don’t get me wrong, I love it up here, but you quickly realize when you move away from Las Vegas that you begin to miss some of the luxuries of living in that kind of environment.  In Las Vegas, for instance, the normal time to eat is around 8 or 9.  Here, restaurants are dead at 8 or 9.  In Las Vegas, you can go shopping until the evening on Sunday.  The Wife found that when she tried to visit many of the boutique type stores in Spokane, they weren’t even opened on Sunday.

There are other things that I really miss.  Customer Service is so bad in Las Vegas that I found myself enjoying using kiosks to make some of my purchases.  If you go to The Home Depot or Lowes (I love you Gene Hackman) or any grocery store…even the Post Office, you don’t ever have to talk to anyone.  You can use the kiosk and do the old self service gig.  I loved it.  When we moved to Spokane, I really realized how much I loved the kiosk idea.  One day, I went into the Post Office to mail something to Tiff & TroyBoy and was met by the rudest postal worker.  I’ve had some pretty bad service at the Post Office in the past, but this guy Steve at the 57th & Regal Post Office was a real Frerking (big ups to The Greatest Vet of All Time, Dr. Thad Frerking) piece of work.  I was paying for my purchase and he told me that I needed to sign my credit card.  I told him I didn’t ever sign the backs of my cards because it prompts them to ask for ID.  He told me that the Post Office didn’t accept unsigned cards.  I quickly wrote “See ID” on the back of the card because a long line was starting to form.  Of course, a long line was of no concern to him because he  then responded letting me know he wouldn’t accept it because it wasn’t signed.  After a verbal battle, I reluctantly agreed “See ID” was not in fact a valid signature and therefore I signed it with a violent scratch followed by my promptly asking to see his supervisor.  Boy, I was going to show him!  As he left to grab the guy, I quickly realized as I scanned the crowd that not only was this going to be a a waste of my own time, but the crowd was starting to reach for their lynching gear and wait for me in the parking lot.  I quickly & quietly ducked out the door before the supervisor arrived and the lynching ensued.  I’m rambling.

I’ve also noticed since we moved that some of life’s conveniences aren’t available either.  Especially at Albertson’s.  I like this flavored water called Clear Excellence.  They make a really good Blackberry Apple flavor, but I found that when we moved, the Albertson’s in Spokane doesn’t carry it.  It’s an Albertson’s brand.  How do they not carry it?  I asked about 20 people that worked there if they could get it in and they finally put me in front of the stocking manager.  She told me they don’t make it anymore…I don’t believe her.

This past weekend, we decided to host part of a young adults group from our church at our house.  It was an interesting concept – a “progressive” dinner.  The group starts at one house for appetizers, then moves onto the next place for a small dinner, then the next place for the other part of dinner, then onto a final house for dessert.  We pulled the appetizers card, so The Wife and I decided we’d do the following:

• Caprese Salad – mozzarella cheese chunks with Roma tomatoes & basil, topped with Red Dog Vinegar.  Red Dog Vinegar was a Walla Walla Red Wine that The Big Guy made into vinegar.  I thought is was a pretty strange project, but it ended up being AWESOME!  One Point – The Big Guy.
• Hummus with Crackers and Carrots.  I spent a ton of time picking out red, green, yellow and orange peppers, only to find that we didn’t use them.
• Crostini’s with some sort of Feta Cheese mix (The Wife is guarding the recipe – sorry!)
• Fruit Skewers with Watermelon, Pineapple, Grapes & Strawberries.

The last item on the list was an interesting recipe I found in the Giadas Kitchen Cookbook.  She’s so hot.  I decided I’d make it.

I headed over to Albertson’s, running late as usual, and found all of the items on the shopping list.  In true Albertson’s fashion, though, I was completely unable to locate the most important Crostata with Apples, Walnuts, and Gorgonzola recipe ingredient – Mascarpone Cheese.  I didn’t even know what Mascarpone Cheese Frerking was.  And, much to my surprise, neither did anyone that worked for Albertson’s.  After asking for help, this mess of a deli girl and I scoured the shelves.  No luck.

So what do you do in this situation?  It’s 4:00 PM people are showing up at 6:00 PM.  Do you scrap it and go home with what you have?  Frerking no way man!  Giada’s way too hot for that lack of effort.  What you do is high tail it to Rocket Market and hope that they have it.  Much to my relief, they did and I made it home managing to prepare the appetizer in record time.  Just as the company arrived, we were pulling it out of the oven.

Question for Albertson’s: What’s it going to take to get my Blackberry Apple water?

My Girl, Giada’s, Crostata with Apples, Walnuts, and Gorgonzola Recipe (Thanks Babe!)

Giada Delaurentiis - Food Hottie

(see a similar recipe on the Food Network)

Ingredients

For the Pastry:

• 1 ½ cups all purpose flour
• ½ teaspoon salt
• 3 tablespoons cold, unsalted butter, cut into small pieces
• ½ cup Mascarpone Cheese
• 1 ½ tablespoons lemon juice
• 3 tablespoons ice water
• 1 tablespoon sugar (added along with the dry ingredients, chilled)
• 1 large egg, lightly beaten

For the Filling:

• 3 tablespoons unsalted butter
• 4 small Granny Smith apples, peeled, cored, and cut into ¼ inch slices
• ¼ cup sugar
• ¾ teaspoon ground cinnamon
• 1 tablespoon fresh lemon juice
• 1 teaspoon grated lemon zest
• ½ cup chopped walnuts
• 1/3 cup crumbled Gorgonzola cheese

Directions

For the crust: In a food processor combine the flour, salt, and sugar, and pulse to combine. Add the butter and pulse until the butter is finely chopped and the mixture resembles coarse meal. Add the Mascarpone and lemon juice and pulse a few times. Add the ice water and run the machine just until the mixture is moist and crumbly, but do not form a ball¹. Roll the dough out onto a sheet of plastic wrap and press into a disk. Wrap the dough tightly and refrigerate for 20 minutes.

For the apple filling: Melt the butter in a large nonstick skillet over medium heat. Add the apple slices, sugar, and cinnamon and cook, stirring frequently, for 5 minutes, until the apples are softened but not mushy. Set aside to cool for 10 minutes. Stir in the lemon juice and zest, walnuts, and Gorgonzola cheese.

Place on an oven rack in the lower third of the oven and reheat the oven to 400.

Unwrap the chilled dough and place it on a sheet of parchment paper. Roll the dough into an 11-inch circle, about ¼ inch thick.  Lift the parchment paper and transfer it and the dough to the baking sheet².

Spread the cooled apple filling in the center of the dough circle, leaving a 2-inch border. Fold the dough border up over the filling to form an 8-inch round, pleating the edge of the pastry³. Brush the crust with the beaten egg.

Bake the crostata until the crust is golden, about 25 minutes. Cool on the baking sheet for 10 minutes before slicing. Makes 4 servings.

¹Giada means this.  Do not form a ball. I did and it made it difficult to add the sugar when I realized I’d forgotten to add it.  I sprinkled it on top at the end before baking it and that made everything A-OK.

²I don’t know what parchment paper is, nor did we have it.  I went ahead and used wax paper.  NOTE: Don’t put the wax paper in the oven.  It smokes up the house.

³If you are a little out of the loop like I was on what exactly it means to pleat the dough, I can’t help you.  I finally handed that part over to The Wife for finishing touches.

I spent the better part of last week in Denver.  Now, if you know your timelines, then you are correct if you thought to yourself, “Wasn’t there a big snowstorm in Denver last week?“  If you haven’t read my “You’re Welcome, Inland Northwest” story, I recommend it.  You’ll understand my next comment.  That’s right folks, I am officially traveling with the snowblower.  It dumps snow for 5 weeks, I buy a snowblower and then it doesn’t snow a bit.  Then, I travel to Denver, who hasn’t received snow all winter, and it dumps 18 inches.  No snowblower means I had to shovel out Bab’s Diesel VW Passat on Friday morning.  I flew back on Saturday night and have been in pain again for the last 5 days.  Frerking shoveling (big ups to The Greatest Vet of All Time, Dr. Thad Frerking).  I think I slipped a disk.

I had an interesting situation occur while I was traveling back home.  I was on the plane on Saturday night, just after my layover at McCarran Airport in Las Vegas.  I had just boarded as I am always top 25 on Southwest Airlines (A-List BABY!) so I get priority seating and I was doing my usual ritual.  I typically choose the aisle seat in one of the first few rows of the plane so I can get off quickly when we land.  Being that I am probably the most impatient and most claustrophobic person on the plane, it’s best if I am off ASAP.  If not, I’m liable to hurt someone, or say something totally inappropriate.  The other part of my ritual is that I try not to make any eye contact with the people walking past me.  Now, don’t think I’m not scoping out the people whilst they’re walking by.  Oh yes, I’m profiling baby.  I’m hand picking the person that is going to be lucky enough to sit next to me the whole flight and typically once I choose that person, I’ll make eye contact.  Then, usually, they’ll look at me like I’m oozing gross and walk right past me.

On this particular flight, I happen to see a pretty good looking woman walk through the door.  Now, she was definitely striking, but I could tell she was about 2 inches from her cougar years.  Still, for a pre-coog, she was way hot.  So as she walks through the door, I thought to myself, the hot chicks never sit next to me.  I always end up with some guido in a track suit (Credit goes to Jersey Jen, From Michigan), yelling at his wife, spilling over into my seat, forcing me to lean into the aisle.  I’m always having back pain after flights – maybe because it’s the fact that guido is forcing me to sit sideways on the plane.  Maybe…or maybe it’s because I’m so far in the aisle that I end up getting smashed in the back by everyone and their mother as they walk up and down the aisle to the restroom.  They should remove those.  I’m rambling.

So, this pre-coog.  She walks right up to my aisle and says, “Is that seat taken?”  I was out of my seat before she could finish her sentence and grabbed her suitcase and started stuffing it into the overhead.  She said, “What a nice guy!  Thanks”.  Then I sat down, said my ‘Cool Guy’ (as The Wife calls it) “You Bet”, and proceeded to start reading my book.  Yeah boys, I turned ignore on full blast!  As I was reading I looked down because I noticed she was opening her book, being the totally nosy person that I am.  As I was looking at her book, I noticed out of the lower left corner of my eye that her left hand was loosely holding the book – and then I heard the sound of gears turning and her thumb mechanically clamped down on the book.

You guessed it, she had a prosthetic hand.  So, as your typical guy would do, I started panicking that my chivalrous act of grabbing her luggage may have been misconstrued as a leap to help the poor girl with the prosthetic arm.  Because it’s all about me, I stressed about it for about 2 minutes (which is pretty long for me to stress about offending someone) and then delved into my book.  About halfway through the flight, I overheard the woman in the window seat asking her about her arm.  I just had to force my way into the conversation.  There was no way I wasn’t going to stay out of this one.  I have always wondered how those prosthetic work.  As she was explaining the mechanics behind it, I saw an opportunity to explain that my chivalrous act was in reality a chivalrous act and not some sort of pity thing for the girl with the prosthetic arm.  She said she thought I was just being a gentleman.

At one point, the conversation turned to me.  We started talking about the book I was reading and I explained that it was actually the Bible and that I was reading it because I hadn’t ever read it cover to cover before.  I explained that The Wife and I are doing this scheduled Bible In A Year reading where there are a certain number of pages you read every day.  I also explained that I was reading it on the flight because I was about 3 weeks behind on my reading and that I wanted to capitalize on the long flight to catch up.  I’m only 2 weeks behind now, by the way.

One thing led to another and we found ourselves in a discussion about theology and I began to explain that religion is a good foundation in life, but it is important to be active in life and make things happen to yourself.  I explained that I didn’t think that it was good to sit around and wait for things to happen to you.  Then I went on to explain that bad things happen to everyone and that it was a fact of life.  I tend to like to use a lot of words to drive my points home (surprise), so I went forth with what I thought was a pretty groundbreaking statement, since we were coming from Vegas:

“Sometimes, you just have to deal with the hand you’re dealt.”

I’m an absolute Geniou…idiot.  There was a long pause. I thought she was going to open the emergency exit and toss me out.  Then she said, “Or in my case, the hand you WEREN’T dealt!”  Then she laughed really hard.  Now we’re friends on FaceBook.

When we moved to Spokane, we knew a few people from The Wife’s old high school days and some of her family.  Not ever living here, I’m comfortable saying I don’t have any friends here other than the people I’ve met through The Wife.  So, to help us engage in some networking, we’re open to attending some events that we might not have considered before.  In our World Wide Church Tour of Spokane, we came across three churches that we wanted to try and we can’t decide between First Presbyterian Church of Spokane (FPC) and Hamblen Park Presbyterian Church.  So, what does one do in this conundrum?  We attend both – is that like double dating?  Remind me to tell you about the “Three Sarahs Incident” in college.  I’m rambling.

While we were attending FPC last month, we read in their little program they hand out that they were sponsoring a 10 evening event they labeled “10 International Dates”.  Of course, this grabbed both of our attention because we are oh so worldly, even though the farthest we have traveled is Cabo San Lucas, of which I hardly consider “worldly” because its so Americanized!  Should that be capitalized?  Anyway ironically, we both read this and said, “Lets do this!”  However, after re-reading the description, we both realized it was INTENTIONAL dates, not INTERNATIONAL.  Woops.  Which is funny, actually, because I wouldn’t have thought Spokane to be this mecca of international cuisine.

We decided to do this thing – 10 evenings in all, every other week.  It’s INTENTIONAL because you are making a point to do this.  We’re making it INTERNATIONAL because we figured it’d be fun.  You go to the church for 20 minutes and this guy speaks – who is totally hilarious by the way – he’s sarcastic and you can tell he has a somewhat sick sense of humor.  He jokes about his wife a lot, which I always appreciate.  Anyway, then he dismisses you and you have to go on your date and read a chapter in this book they give you, then in the back, there is a 2 page worksheet you fill out based on the topic of the chapter.  It’s all real interesting…delving into one’s marital life.  I think its pretty interesting, especially since we’ve only been married for a year and a half and I feel like we’re already “working” on our marriage.  Actually, I am quite enjoying it.

All that was back story to give you a great story about what transpired last night.  So, we’ve just left the church and The Wife is driving downtown, trying to find a parking spot.  We were just getting along delightfully when all of a sudden, someone let out the monster.  Tension started building for some reason and by the time we got to the restaurant “360″ and thought we’d look at the menu, we were about to strangle each other.  While I’m engulfed in this menu reading, I see that they have the Monte Cristo Sandwich – OH YEAH BABY!  So I head for the door only to be pulled abruptly by the love of my life who proceeds to start yelling at me about how I’m not very attentive because I didn’t see the sign on the door that say enter through the Hotel Luzzo Lobby and as she drags me down the street, she gives me some lecture about how I am missing out on life because I don’t notice things.  She should be a CIA Agent – she notices EVERYTHING!

As we’re entering the hotel, we’re now softly screaming at each other so no one notices we’re at each other’s throats.  We walk down the corridor to the restaurant and she says, “Stop, lets talk about this”.  The gorilla in me brushes past her and walks right up the the hostess and answers “2 please” to her question.  Of course, I’m thinking “two tables please?”.  So we sit down and start thumbing through the menus and somehow sweep our little battle under the rug and I notice something on the menu – no Monte Cristo.  “Frerking (big ups to The Greatest Vet of All Time, Dr. Thad Frerking) dangit, now I just want to eat McDonalds.”  After ordering 2 burgers and Clam Chowder Soup (which was outstanding!), we decide to open our 10 Great Dates book and do our homework.

What’s the topic tonight? Conflict Resolution.  Frerking Perfect.

10 Great Dates to keep her from kicking you to the curb and dating that professional basketball player