Apparently, I’m high maintenance.  I never really thought of myself as high maintenance, but then I started realizing that the signs are all there.  If you read my blog about my strange eating habits (There’s Always a Food Critic in the Donner Party), then you’ve already a few examples.  Clearly, I’m OCD to the bone.  I like to think it’s not a disorder, rather just an order.  I like things a certain way.  D-Train and I used to always make fun of Frameo when we all lived together in Denver.  We would put a candy wrapper on the mantle and sit down and count to see how long it would take him to notice it.  I say count, because he’s that obsessive – usually it was one to two minutes.  His record was about 20 seconds.  I mention this because I’ve noticed I’m that way.  I seem to be spending my day organizing everything and then organizing everything again.  I can’t ever seem to get the sink clean enough.

The Big Guy and Mama J constantly make fun of my Dish Washing Methodology^tm.  Even Auntie Willie^® (New nickname for The Wife’s Aunt!  Thanks NAN! yay) chimes in.  You’d think she’d be all so happy to have me scrubbing her dishes on Thanksgiving night, but instead, she’s standing there ribbing me because in Cabo, I asked her to take my white linen shirt off so it wouldn’t get stained.  I guess that was an odd request for Auntie Willie^®, who by the way made the best Dutch Apple Pie I’ve had. The Big Guy will wait until I have the clean sink water at the perfect temperature and then stick a dirty dish in the water, soiling it completely.  He once said that if I continued to clean his dishes, he’d have to buy new one’s because I would have cleaned them to the bone.  I disagree – you can’t clean dishes that much.  Other times, he’ll walk over in the middle of cleaning and stick a dish with food on it in the dish washer. Let me be clear, dishwashers are mis-named.  They should be called “Dish Sanitizers” because that’s what they do.  They don’t get the food off – I don’t care what anyone says.  The wife just rolls her eyes at the discussion.

Note: If you’re looking for a new Dish Sanitizer, go with Hobart.  It’s not pretty, but it’s the way a Dish Sanitizer should be.

Hobart Under Counter Dish "Sanitizer"

Lately, I’m feeling a little bad for The Wife.  She’s been getting in trouble for a lot of things around the house.  Here’s a few examples of my wrath:

1. She’ll often stick things like wine bottle toppers, spoons and forks, and other small items in the sink where the disposal lives.  After an evening of use, these items will almost always find a home in the disposal.  After a heavy night of entertaining, I’ll conclude my Dish Washing Methodology^tm by turning on the disposal, only do listen to sounds like she put a body in down the sink.  I’ll just shoot her a glare and go the Mud Room for some quiet time.
2. Donnie Boom Boom was in town last week and he asked for the strawberry jam.  When he opened it, there was peanut butter mixed in with it because when The Wife makes a PB&J sandwich, she uses the same knife for the peanut butter and the jam.  Mud Room Cool Off Time.
3. I have this new obsession with drying out the sink when I’m done doing the dishes.  I’ll often spend a lot of time drying it, then walk into another room, only to hear the sink running in the kitchen.  I’ll walk back in and there she is running the sink to wash her hands.  I think to myself, “Isn’t there a bathroom for that?”  Again, Mud Room Cool Off Time.
4. A couple of weeks ago, The Wife’s advertising agency needed to burrow some of my swimming trunks for a video shoot.  Now, when I heard this, I thought “Nice. They’re going to display them and film them with some words over them and some other items for the commercial”.  I pulled my best three pair of board shorts and tied the strings really nicely for display.  The next day, The Wife sent me an email picture from the video shoot. I thought it was a pretty cool picture.  That is, until I noticed A good pair of green Hurley Boardshorts were being sported by some young chap riding a wave.  I was Frerking (big ups to The Greatest Vet of All Time, Dr. Thad Frerking) furious.  Once more, Mud Room Cool Off Time.

This is just a glimpse – it’s getting worse too.  The latest occurrence happened last night.  The last post, I mentioned I took a business trip to Las Vegas.  While I was there, I stayed with my good pal, Mike of Mike and Jersey Jen (from Michigan).  On Mike’s coffee table was a 944 Magazine and there, on the cover was the most beautiful angelic figure I’d seen since our wedding night.  That good looking woman turned out to be none other than My Girl, Giada De Laurentiis.  As many of you know, I have a Kitchen Crush on her.  While The Big Guy and Mama J were in town last week, I wanted to show the magazine article to The Big Guy, as I knew he too was a fan.  I asked The Wife where the 944 Magazine was and she replied that she had taken it to work to show one of the partners.  Reaching boiling point…

…And to the Mud Room, I do retire…

944 Magazine Cover - Giada de Laurentiis

But it gets even worse.  Last night, as The Wife had returned from work, she thought I would be happy to have my Lovely back.  Don’t get me wrong, I was super excited.  But then, I noticed that the top corner of the cover of the magazine had a crease on it.  Holding back a nuclear fallout explosion, I calmly asked about it and she mentioned the partner had accidentally bent it when he was transporting it.  I’m not sure why it wasn’t taken out on a flatbed dolly.  At any rate, I just came out of the Mud Room.

Speaking of peanut butter and My Girl, Giada De Laurentiis, she and my other favorite freakshow author, Jen Lancaster, have some new competition.  While I was in Las Vegas, Mike of Mike and Jersey Jen (from Michigan) introduced me to his cousin, Eric and Eric’s wife, Julie.  Might I say, they were the most pleasant company.  Julie just happens to have a blog about cooking & baking.  Everything looks delectable!  Check it out at http://www.peanutbutterandjulie.com!

I’m currently sitting in a lay-over in OAK (Oakland Airport) in the Bay Area. I love it here – wouldn’t want to live here, but I love visiting. The Wife and I were engaged at the Palace of Fine Arts in San Francisco almost 4 years ago now. As I’m sitting here in the newly redesigned airport, I’m looking out on the bay, remembering a time when this wing didn’t exist and OAK was more of a bus terminal than an airport. I’m gazing into the distance, wishing I could go and hit all of the hot spots we know and love in The City: Sears Kitchen (Favorite Breakfast place), The Gallery Cafe (Great coffee shop next to the Cable Car Museum!), The Sugar Cafe (hip lounge off Union Square) and so much more!  We really need to get over the The City and visit.

Sears Fine Fo0d

I’m on my way to Las Vegas to visit my clients and spend some quality time with Mike of Mike and Jersey Jen (From Michigan). I have some time, so I decided pull out the old MacBook Pro and log in.  I just noticed that Spokane is expecting snow, of course because I’m out of town.  I have this ongoing battle with snow, it seams.  Ever since we moved away from Las Vegas, the snow has really messed with me.  When we first moved to Spokane, last December, we were moved in for about 6 days and then it snowed.  5 Feet over 30 days.  I was so sore from shoveling, that I decided to bite the bullet (not advisable) and purchase a snowblower.  If you read my previous post, You’re Welcome, Inland Northwest, you’ll recall that just before the snowblower arrived at the house, it stopped snowing in Spokane.

I’m back on the plane, headed to Las Vegas now.  I’m sitting next to a girl that The Dragen would dub a SMHH (Smokin’ Molten Hot Hottie).  The Dragen is a little bit of a troublemaker – I recommend you watch your ladies as he tends to unknowingly pop up in pictures around the world.  This girl is perfect for him.  We struck up a conversation about iPhones because her screen was smashed and mine is perfect.  I sort of hazed her about it and told her how I baby mine. She told me she is from Seattle and visiting friends in Las Vegas.  The Jury’s out on whether she’s really a stripper or not.  I snapped this little covert photo with the iPhone while I was grabbing the MacBook Pro back out of my coveted Johnston and Murphy computer bag.  You be the judge…

The Dragen's SMHH

…I’m rambling.

That’s right folks, 30 days, 5 feet of snow and then a few days before the beast arrives?  Nothing.  Well, that’s not exactly true.  It did snow one day in March or April.  I was so excited that I waited all day to let the snow accumulate on the driveway.  At about 2PM, I walked out to a delightful inch of snow on the driveway.  Excited like a kid in a candy shop, I fired that sucker up and blew that inch of snow to Alaska.  Well, that’s not entirely true either.  You see, the problem with a spring snow is that the air temperature is warm enough that it is a heavy, wet snow.  If you’ve ever shoveled wet snow before, you know why this is a Frerking pain (big ups to The Greatest Vet of All Time, Dr. Thad Frerking) in the butt.  It’s bad enough shoveling 5 feet of light powder.  But an inch of wet snow is like shoveling mud.

This guy sitting next to me just pointed his head toward The Dragen’s Southwest SMHH, smiled and winked. He apparently approves as well.  He looks like an Italian mobster.  I’m rambling again.

I decided I would document my snowblower’s first use.  I took my Olympus Waterproof Camera (this is camera # 2 – that’s a story for another time) because waterproof camera’s are essential when documenting the first use of my Troybilt Snowblower.  I managed to record several shots of me firing it up, idling it and then running this 6 speed piece of art.  One problem.  The snow is supposed to fly out of the blower hood like a Christmas Snowstorm.  However, apparently when snowblower in the springtime with wet snow, it basically falls out of the blower hood and clumps up on the top of the auger lid.  Not very impressive.

I was a skateboarder back in the day, currently snowboard and aspire to learn to surf.  One of my favorite things about these sports are the various videos that are created of these guys putting it all on the line to get that one trick.  I love the snowmobiling ones too.  These guys make snowmobiling look so easy.  I’ve always wanted to make a video like that, and with all of the snowblower first use clips I had, I called in a favor to my good buddy, Matt Struck over at Crosspoint in Denver, Colorado.  Matt’s a really talented video editor.  I’ve seen tons of his work – it’s absolutely incredible.  I sent the clips over to him as well as a Beastie Boy’s  song from the Paul’s Boutique album – The Sounds of Silence.  You have to understand Matt’s talent here.  These 8 video clips are taken from either the bumper of my FJ Cruiser or The gUrt-Cam.  Lets say that it’s pretty boring footage.  Then, to top it off, it’s not like I’m jumping a snowmobile over the Grand Canyon, right?  I’m just blowing an inch of snow off the driveway.  Even then, it’s not shooting out like a snowstorm, rather dropping out of the top like an upside down soft-serve ice cream machine.

I’ll tell you what – the man’s got skills!  He managed to take some seriously crappy, boring footage and turn it into a snowblowing frenzy.  It’s crazy! Enjoy…

Many, Many, MANY thanks to Matt Struck at Crosspoint in Denver, Colorado.

Crosspoint, Denver, CO

The gUrt got himself a new website and Facebook page. It was only a matter of time seeing that the little bugger sleeps 18 hours a day. You’ve got to figure that he’s basically a high school-er now, so all he’d do is sleep and Facebook people. I’m not really sure how the heck people find him, but he has a few friends already. One is some Rap Producer, something Beatmaster Beatmaking. That’s because he friended Scott Storch, his favorite hip-hop producer. Then, somehow, a bunch of other dogs found him and friended him. It’s insane. Feel free to visit his site (HoganVizsla.com or ThegUrt.com) – watch for explicit lyrics – and his Facebook page. He’s good to know.

I’d like to share a letter I wrote to the President and CEO of Southwest Airlines:

Dear Gary:

I still feel funny writing “Dear”, especially to a Travel Czar such as yourself. Sorry, shouldn’t call you Czar – that’s not always a good label. Travel Genius? I feel like something a little more hard is the way to start it. Maybe how wrestlers greet each other by smashing chairs over each others heads. But then, you wouldn’t be President & CEO anymore, so maybe we should just stick to “Dear Gary.” I’m rambling.

I’m writing you because I’m positive that you rarely get fan mail, rather scathing ones lighting you up because you’re running what some out there call the “Greyhound of the skies”. I, however, disagree – other than the quality of some of the passengers at times – especially those coming out of Las Vegas. I love Southwest. I like the fact that if I’m on my game, I can get A-Priority seating and take the left hand aisle seat in row 6. I prefer it there because I’m off the plane quick when we land, although the lady that just sat next to me going to Seattle was a Boeing Flight Tester and she said you’re safer over the wings. Usually, the first three rows are the biggest disasters on the plane, so rows 4 & 5 shield me a little from the madness. I especially appreciate you changing the ABC Cattle Call loading to a numbered ABC system. Flights have been a little more pleasant since those days. I almost fist-punched a guy at McCarran because he got in my face when he thought I was moving to the front of the line, when I was just using the split railing to balance my dinner. I’m rambling again.

Mike and Jersey Jen (from Michigan) always give me crap because we tend to have a crazy travel schedule. Well in honor of them, I decided to accept the invitation to stand in the Woods wedding in Denver the same weekend as the annual March of Dimes Signature Chefs event in Las Vegas. Here’s the kicker. The rehearsal dinner was on Friday night and the Bride was insistent that I be there for the rehearsal since two of the groomsmen were not attending the rehearsal. That would have left Frameo alone up there and that’s never a good thing because he gets into trouble. But, the wedding was actually on Sunday evening and with the Signature Chefs event on Saturday, I naturally thought it wise to fly to Las Vegas in between the dinner and wedding. It made sense to me, the groom seemed OK with it, but I think the Bride was pretty irritated about it. Probably not because I was flying somewhere in between, but because I was specifically flying to Las Vegas.

My flight out of Spokane arrived in Denver at 3:00, about a half hour late, which happens, so I was OK with it. Sunday was the day I was worried about anyway. The church was beautiful, nestled into the lower mountains in Genesee. October in the Colorado Rockies is amazing, but that was offset by a psycho wedding planner who threatened to keep the contract deposit if anything went wrong. Dinner was great – a little cabin set ona river in Evergreen. The Bride and Groom were happy and told great stories, especially one involving Frameo giving Scott the “Anal Cleaning Bug” for housekeeping, but seemed to be mis-interpreted by everyone in the room including his 80 year old grandpa who was very with it. I stayed the night at D-Train’s and hit the airport early on Saturday morning.

The 8 AM flight out of Denver to Las Vegas went smooth as can be and before I knew it, I was eating breakfast at Harry’s Bagelmania, a Jewish bagel shop in the Las Vegas ghetto. They’re really mean to you there – the kind of mean that keeps you coming back for more. Afterward, we did a little shopping and then off to the event. Signature Chefs is incredible. 30 Chefs from the Las Vegas Strip, you couldn’t possibly eat like that in one trip let alone one night. The food was as promised – exquisite. The March of Dimes folks are always appreciative of our help and hosted a table for me, so I naturally brought down The Big Guy and Mama J, UG & Aunt Julie and invited, of course, Mike and Jersey Jen (from Michigan) and LW (Liberty Wright). I ate like a king and then back to bed, early to rise for another ride back to the airport.

Signature Chefs of Las Vegas

The 7 AM flight out of Las Vegas, back to Denver, was the one that counted. When we hit the runway, 5 minutes before the scheduled take-off, I toyed with the idea of sending a text message stating I was in jail and detoxing. Then I remembered The Wife and Miss King on their wedding days (the perfect Brides!) and thought, “better not wake a sleeping dog”, right? I arrived 30 minutes early to my delight and had enough time to hit some of my favorite Denver sites before heading up to the wedding. The wedding was awesome, except the pastor spoke about 20 minutes too long and the flagstone floor we were standing on was killing us. Plus the psycho wedding planner told us that people fainted up there all the time, so I was worried that would be me. Court (Bridesmaid) had to sit down it was so bad! The reception was great and everyone enjoyed themselves. It was at this nice Lake House in Evergreen.  There were elk grazing on the golf course.  Everyone was surprised I had been gone and back.

Evergreen Lakehouse

The noontime flight out was a little rough. The pilot did a great job of getting the plane, which was going every direction but straight, up above the clouds. Just about when I saw the space shuttle was when it subsided. It was smooth sailing all the way back to Seattle, then to Spokane. Which leads me to say, I’m sorry you didn’t get the merger deal with Frontier and that they sold to Republic. That made a lot of sense to me – sell to a company that doesn’t have any experience flying long routes and jet planes. But hey, they were thinking of their employees, right? No matter, you’ll buy them for about 25 cents on the dollar next year when they can’t afford gas.

Give this guy a raise:

Thanks again for being so reliable,

Word.

Ash Boodel

P.S. From The gUrt:

Mr. Gary.

Thanks for allowing dogs on your planes now. If you only had direct flights out of Spokane, my dad would fly me places. Maybe when you buy Frontier next year, that’ll allow me travel. I bet you smell good.

The gUrt
HoganVizsla @ Gmail . com
Send Me A Bone!

Well, as you can see, another day another dollar! Until next time…

Welcome back all!  I have to start by apologizing for my two month sabbatical.  Its been a pretty busy past couple of months.  With a couple of good work projects and some visitors/travel, I haven’t been very good about posting.  Let me give you a re-cap on some of the important events:

Mike & Jersey Jen (from Michigan) and LW (Liberty Wright) visited Spokane.  We loaded up Uncle Greg’s Dodge Mega Cab Pickup and headed down to Walla Walla, Washington.  The ladies sat comfortably in the back and solved all the worlds’ problems, while the boys (Mike, The gUrt & I) took care of both the driving as well as creating some entirely new problems for the world.  We stopped at a couple wineries and joined by The Big Guy and Mama J, we hit T. Maccarone’s for some amazing dinner.  After that, we headed back to Spokane for a tour of the city.  I think they enjoyed it, but I don’t think they’ll be moving there anytime soon.  Mike would have to gamble at The Northern Quest – which is a little low-brow for him.  Jersey Jen (from Michigan) would have to take on a new accent.  LW, on the other hand would probably do very well here.

Scott and Louise Robertson took a 6 month (exaggerating) sabbatical in New Zealand (not exaggerating).  They came back super refreshed and with some amazing photos of the scenery.  You’d better Friend him on Facebook (http://www.facebook.com/theoneandonlyscottrobertson/) if you want to see those pics!  I highly recommend you do – the pictures are Frerking (big ups to The Greatest Vet of All Time, Dr. Thad Frerking) Incredible! Here’s a sample:

A New Zealand Local

Tiff and Troy-boy (PEMF) visited from Boise.  We spent the weekend relaxing at the lake and around the City.  Hogan snuck into the shower with Tiff to get a peek (that’s my boy), while Troy-boy hit the neighborhood garage sale event.  He is the proud owner of two Mac computer screens now.  I think Tiff thought he was losing his mind.  I was in full support of his purchase, down to the packaging of said screens for the said return to Boise.  Troy-boy also started guest blogging on Eric Selvig’s running website, One Runner’s Brain.  If you’re into running, there are some good laughs.  I’m not a runner, so I don’t get the jokes.

I took about a 10 day trip to Denver to see family and friends.  I think I saw everyone I probably could have, with exception of The Frameos and Worleys.  Ryan Arnold’s group, The Denver Active 2030 Children’s Foundation put together a great charity event called Keeping Kids On Track.  It was really successful and was co-sponsored by the Denver Bronco’s Cheerleaders.  D-Train and I helped out with the website (www.keepingkidsontrack.org) as well as attended the event and helped out.  We met all the cheerleaders.  That’s a true test of my love for The Wife.  I had some of the most beautiful ladies around me and we’re still together!  I did hang out with Romi Bean a little bit – she’s my favorite!  Ryan’s Dad, Gar-Dog was there too.  We were helping the cheerleaders with their helmets and he kept smacking them on the head to see if the helmets fit.  Only Gar-Dog could get away with that.  Big ups to Ryan and Katie Kosters for their hard work and raising $20,000 from the event!

Denver Bronco's Cheerleader Romi Bean
(My new friend!)

We spent several weekends at Uncle Greg and Aunt Julie’s cabin in Coeur d’Alene and The gUrt learned to swim.  We even took a jet-ski and kayak ride.  He’s a new dog now – loves the water!  I know you don’t believe me, but I’ll post some proof – pictures of course, but I have to get them from Aunt Julie.

Ryan and Taylor visited Spokane.  It was a great weekend.  We trucked on down to Walla Walla, Washington and did some wine tasting.  My new favorite is Rulo Winery.  It was harvest season and crush time and Rulo’s owners, Kurt & Vicki Schlicker were so gracious.  They gave us tours of the property and showed us the crush procedures.  If you find yourself in Walla Walla, I highly recommend visiting them (www.rulowinery.com).  After Walla Walla, we headed back to Spokane and showed them the City as well as Coeur d’Alene.  We took them to Isabella’s Gin Joint (INCREDIBLE) and then headed to Zola afterward.  Zola a great place – it’s seats on the upper level are reclaimed Tilt-A-Whirl seats.  They don’t spin though – probably because of all the drinking.

Rulo Winery - The Best Winery in Walla Walla

Finally the Family visited over Labor Day weekend.  It was a great time – the usual tour to Coeur d’Alene (seeing a theme here?) and the City.  It was a great weekend and I think Bab’s is ok with the move.  I was worried that they wouldn’t like Spokane.  I don’t think Chris (brother) liked it as much, but he like’s traveling anyway.  He’s still mad we left Las Vegas,  He definitely wasn’t fond of The gUrt.  I think that Hogan was a little active for him.  When the Fam left, Hogan seemed to take on some bad habits.  I’m thinking that Bab’s might have spoiled him a little bit.  Imagine what she’d do to kids!  Just kidding, I’m a SAHDiNK!

Finally I did a good dead.  I bought a new pair of shoes.  Now, how is that a good dead?  Well, they are a pair of Tom’s Shoes.  Mama J and The Wife found them in a little store in Walla Walla.  Tom’s Shoes has a nice treat to it – every pair of shoes you buy, they give a pair of shoes to a child in need.  So you’re not only buying something totally cool for you, but you’d doing something for someone else.  I love the idea and the shoes? They’re awesome – so comfortable and travel friendly!  I looked at another pair that I secretly wanted, but when I showed them to the girls, they made fun of them.  They were a sort of slip on shoe, but they had anchors all over them.  It was a nice nautical theme.  The girls thought it was a little bit flamboyant.  So I bought the other pair and I wear them all the time!

Secret First Pick - Nautical Theme

The Runner Up - Still love them!

Well, that’s it for now.  Some good stories to come soon – including Canada. (Sorry about the delay G-Loyal)

I just received word from Mike and Jersey Jen From Michigan.  They are joining LW (Liberty Wright – she’s single boys!) in a few weeks on a visit to Spokane.  I think that’s great.  Not that I don’t like hanging out with LW – she’s the easiest person to be around – but it’s always good times when the 5 of us get around each other.  Someone always becomes the butt of a joke.  Usually me.  I responded to her email that we (The gUrt & I, not The Wife because she’s hard at work) are so excited to see them.   I may have made mention that The gUrt “pooped his pants” with excitement.  Because the original email was to all 5 of us, and because I “responded to all”, The Wife quickly sent an email expressing her excitement and that we would “clean up the house.”  Now, to quote The Big Guy, “I was born at night, but not last night”. I’m well aware that The Wife’s response is directly related to her complete disappointment in my choice of excitement expression. Go Figure.

The funny thing about it is that:

A. The gUrt doesn’t wear pants and…

B. The gUrt hasn’t pooped in the house since the second night after he moved in.

When we first brought him home, I was walking downstairs after a 2 second run upstairs, only to find him in the “Catcher’s” position doing his business.  I have to say with all my voice strength, I let him know I was extremely dissatisfied with his activity at hand and quickly ushered him to the back yard.  He must have understood that we poop outside because from that day on, he poops outside.  Good Boy Hogan.  Peeing was a different story.  He once peed on D-Train’s foot. Good Boy Hogan.  I’m rambling.

I know I promised some fun Canadian adventures – they’re coming.  I thought I’d give everyone a vacation from my vacationing and provide a different topic for once.  Thanks to Devin for his last blog – I received some positive feedback on it.

Speaking of D-Train – also known as Danny-D to some or Dr. Nugget by others – I was recently catching up on his website, CravingBagels.com, and happened to stumble upon an excerpt he wrote about Miss King, his “lady friend” as he calls her.  They’re married.  Anyway, this excerpt is about how she is the most finicky eater he knows.  He mentions that she has different characteristics that make her finicky.  These are the one’s that stuck out to me:

• She likes her hamburgers plain.  Except at Effie Burger in Lewiston, ID, home of the largest gut bomb burger in the entire world.  You have to understand that for someone to not like anything on their burger, especially when it is a basic burger, and then to want EVERYTHING on her Effie Burger, it is pretty contradictory.  That’s like saying I don’t like dogs with hair, but then your favorite dog is an Old English Sheep Dog.
• There are certain foods she’ll only eat if D-Train cooks them.  If he cooks it too often, it’s ruined and she’ll never eat it again.
• She can taste “spiciness” in everything – even things with no spice in it.  For instance, she can taste spices in bottled water.
• She hate’s meat on the bone.

There’s too many to mention, but I thought, how hard to date?  It’s a wonder they made it solely on the basis that dating had to have been a struggle.  As I was reading this in the beginning, I kept thinking, what a freakshow. But, as I started finishing the story, I began to realize that I am also a very picky eater.  Just the other night, The Wife and I met her friend Sasha and her “not her boyfriend” boyfriend at Cafe Marron.  Cafe Marron is the cool little restaurant in Browne’s Addition in Spokane, a quaint, hip neighborhood.  This restaurant is really cool – it’s all reclaimed wood from barns and other buildings.  The windows are garage doors that are opened in the summer.  The chairs are school chairs.  The food is really good.  The first time we went there, they had this awesome Au Gratin Mac N’ Cheese.  It was TDF (To Die For – I had to make it an acronym because Ronnie Drama hated that phrase).  That was back in February or March during an International Date Night.  The next time, we went there with The SchreTters and low and behold – no Au Gratin Mac N’ Cheese.  I was tre’ disappointed.  So, I ordered this new dish – some sort of ToFu Stir Fry – again, slam dunk and TDF.  So, this last weekend, we met Sasha and her “not her boyfriend” boyfriend there and wouldn’t you believe it.  Not only was the Au Gratin Mac N’ Cheese not on the menu, but neither was the ToFu Stir Fry.  I was again let down.  This time, I spent the better part of 30 mintues mulling over the menu before reluctantly deciding on the hamburger.  I love hamburgers – my favorite food, but I’d had my World Famous Sliders, Canadian McDonald’s, Wendy’s and another burger within about 5 days.  It was just too much and there was nothing else appetizing.  You see, its rare that I pick up a menu that has multiple items I’d want.  Most of the time when we go to a place for the first time, I’m nervous they won’t have something I like.  I almost always find something and then every time we return, I order the same thing.

Brian - Pronghorn Antelope

I totally agree with her on the Meat on a bone thing.  I have a real hard time with it.  I think it’s because I have trouble eating things that I’ve seen moving.  At least when you buy a steak or hamburger meat, it’s processed to the point where it isn’t really recognizable.  I guess for me, the bone is a grim reminder to me of what I’m eating.  A leg, a rib, something like that.  At least when I eat a ribeye, I have no idea where on the cow it came from.  But I have trouble with it.  I’ll go fishing and then I have to leave the room when it’s being prepared so I won’t associate dinner with what I just caught.  Last year, I went hunting in Wyoming with The Big Guy, SoupUncle and his nephew.  I shot a Pronghorn Antelope and had it butchered and brought home the meat.  I also had the head mounted for the Office.  Why not, right?  I even named my Antelope.  Brian.  The problem with naming him Brian is that I already have issues with animal to food association.  Here I am, struggling to eat something I killed, and then I keep thinking of his name.  This makes it worse.  When I finally do get the mounted head, I’ll probably never be able to eat in the Office again.

This food issue has been tough since I was a kid.  I hate when my food touches.  I hate soggy bread.  You name it, I’m freakish about it.  I don’t think I would have done well with the Donner Party.  Well maybe, but only if the following occurred:

1. I visited the Donner Party – not traveled with them.  I couldn’t have any previous knowledge of people within the Donner Party who now account for empty seats at the table.
2. Everything would have to be cooked fresh and clean – I’m a germaphobe to the core.
3. Everything would have to be processed – if it looks like Barry, then I’m going to feel like I’m eating Barry.  If it’s processed like Bologna or String Cheese, then I’d be more likely to eat it with no remorse.
4. If everything could be packaged, that would be great.  Barry with Triscuits and Tillamook Cheese would be nice.  It would be even better if they could package Barry as a Lunchable.

New Barry ABBA Flavor

To read D-Train‘s Article, visit http://cravingbagels.com/?page_id=1498 – Good laughs for sure.  Don’t read too much or you’ll blow about 2 hours to about 6 days of non-stop reading and laughter.  Big Ups to “The Greatest Blogger of All Time!”

I spent the better part of last week in Denver.  Now, if you know your timelines, then you are correct if you thought to yourself, “Wasn’t there a big snowstorm in Denver last week?“  If you haven’t read my “You’re Welcome, Inland Northwest” story, I recommend it.  You’ll understand my next comment.  That’s right folks, I am officially traveling with the snowblower.  It dumps snow for 5 weeks, I buy a snowblower and then it doesn’t snow a bit.  Then, I travel to Denver, who hasn’t received snow all winter, and it dumps 18 inches.  No snowblower means I had to shovel out Bab’s Diesel VW Passat on Friday morning.  I flew back on Saturday night and have been in pain again for the last 5 days.  Frerking shoveling (big ups to The Greatest Vet of All Time, Dr. Thad Frerking).  I think I slipped a disk.

I had an interesting situation occur while I was traveling back home.  I was on the plane on Saturday night, just after my layover at McCarran Airport in Las Vegas.  I had just boarded as I am always top 25 on Southwest Airlines (A-List BABY!) so I get priority seating and I was doing my usual ritual.  I typically choose the aisle seat in one of the first few rows of the plane so I can get off quickly when we land.  Being that I am probably the most impatient and most claustrophobic person on the plane, it’s best if I am off ASAP.  If not, I’m liable to hurt someone, or say something totally inappropriate.  The other part of my ritual is that I try not to make any eye contact with the people walking past me.  Now, don’t think I’m not scoping out the people whilst they’re walking by.  Oh yes, I’m profiling baby.  I’m hand picking the person that is going to be lucky enough to sit next to me the whole flight and typically once I choose that person, I’ll make eye contact.  Then, usually, they’ll look at me like I’m oozing gross and walk right past me.

On this particular flight, I happen to see a pretty good looking woman walk through the door.  Now, she was definitely striking, but I could tell she was about 2 inches from her cougar years.  Still, for a pre-coog, she was way hot.  So as she walks through the door, I thought to myself, the hot chicks never sit next to me.  I always end up with some guido in a track suit (Credit goes to Jersey Jen, From Michigan), yelling at his wife, spilling over into my seat, forcing me to lean into the aisle.  I’m always having back pain after flights – maybe because it’s the fact that guido is forcing me to sit sideways on the plane.  Maybe…or maybe it’s because I’m so far in the aisle that I end up getting smashed in the back by everyone and their mother as they walk up and down the aisle to the restroom.  They should remove those.  I’m rambling.

So, this pre-coog.  She walks right up to my aisle and says, “Is that seat taken?”  I was out of my seat before she could finish her sentence and grabbed her suitcase and started stuffing it into the overhead.  She said, “What a nice guy!  Thanks”.  Then I sat down, said my ‘Cool Guy’ (as The Wife calls it) “You Bet”, and proceeded to start reading my book.  Yeah boys, I turned ignore on full blast!  As I was reading I looked down because I noticed she was opening her book, being the totally nosy person that I am.  As I was looking at her book, I noticed out of the lower left corner of my eye that her left hand was loosely holding the book – and then I heard the sound of gears turning and her thumb mechanically clamped down on the book.

You guessed it, she had a prosthetic hand.  So, as your typical guy would do, I started panicking that my chivalrous act of grabbing her luggage may have been misconstrued as a leap to help the poor girl with the prosthetic arm.  Because it’s all about me, I stressed about it for about 2 minutes (which is pretty long for me to stress about offending someone) and then delved into my book.  About halfway through the flight, I overheard the woman in the window seat asking her about her arm.  I just had to force my way into the conversation.  There was no way I wasn’t going to stay out of this one.  I have always wondered how those prosthetic work.  As she was explaining the mechanics behind it, I saw an opportunity to explain that my chivalrous act was in reality a chivalrous act and not some sort of pity thing for the girl with the prosthetic arm.  She said she thought I was just being a gentleman.

At one point, the conversation turned to me.  We started talking about the book I was reading and I explained that it was actually the Bible and that I was reading it because I hadn’t ever read it cover to cover before.  I explained that The Wife and I are doing this scheduled Bible In A Year reading where there are a certain number of pages you read every day.  I also explained that I was reading it on the flight because I was about 3 weeks behind on my reading and that I wanted to capitalize on the long flight to catch up.  I’m only 2 weeks behind now, by the way.

One thing led to another and we found ourselves in a discussion about theology and I began to explain that religion is a good foundation in life, but it is important to be active in life and make things happen to yourself.  I explained that I didn’t think that it was good to sit around and wait for things to happen to you.  Then I went on to explain that bad things happen to everyone and that it was a fact of life.  I tend to like to use a lot of words to drive my points home (surprise), so I went forth with what I thought was a pretty groundbreaking statement, since we were coming from Vegas:

“Sometimes, you just have to deal with the hand you’re dealt.”

I’m an absolute Geniou…idiot.  There was a long pause. I thought she was going to open the emergency exit and toss me out.  Then she said, “Or in my case, the hand you WEREN’T dealt!”  Then she laughed really hard.  Now we’re friends on FaceBook.