The group hit the road a little later than anticipated due to a slight bit of over indulgence from the night before.  Nevertheless, we hit the road before 9:30.  The boys thought we were acting like men by letting the women drive to the Volcano. About 30 minutes into the drive I asked Robyn to pull over so I could get some fresh air (puke).  Back on the road, this time in the front seat, we journeyed down the windy road to the volcano.  We passed many coffee plantations and ‘must see’ sights but nothing was worth stopping for – we didn’t want to increase the already long drive of 2 hours to the Volcano.  We did however get up-to-speed on the place we wanted to stop after the volcano – Ash’s wife was quite the researcher and didn’t get sick in the back seat (unlike others) while researching the best places to hit from the Big Island bible.  We noted places like Volcano Country Club and the Punalu’u Black Sand Beach – all tops on the list after touring the Volcano.

Once arriving at Volcanoes National Park – Kilauea, we knew our trip would be a downer since a majority of the park was closed due to high gases – go figure.  The trip only improved once we left the visitors center and we hit our first stop – the overlook of the Kilauea Caldera at Jaggar Museum.   This was a great overlook and was only improved by the Roberts Hawaii Tour Bus that arrived at the same time as us.  Despite our best efforts to rush out of the car and beat the onslaught of the arriving Roberts Hawaii Tour Bus we weren’t able to get our pictures and tour the museum before the Roberts Hawaii Tour Bus joined our small group.  We quickly understood that the tour bus was from the cruise ship that arrived at the Kona dock the night before.  We also quickly understood that we wanted nothing to do with these people as they smelled worse than the volcanoes’ gases and also walked slower than the creation of the entire island.  Despite our best efforts we arrived at several other stops at the exact same time as these wonderful travelers. One of these travelers even managed to speed in front of Ash and toss her gum in front of his path – she looked like a English troll mixed with a hobbit – is that how every British woman in her late 70s looks?  We did, however, manage to find our own stop without the Roberts Hawaii Tour Bus.  We visited the steam vents, which was definitely a highlight.  This was fun, not because the tour bus didn’t join us, but because the steam vents were really interesting.  Charring the vegetation around the vent, they offered a glimpse into what lies beneath.  Just a traveler’s tip in case you visit…maintenance on the path to the steam vents is quite sparse. Ash’s wife tripped on the gravel road (I’m sure it had nothing to do with her long twinkle toes) and let everyone around us know the clear lack of maintenance was to be blamed.

Kilauea Caldera

Roberts Hawaii Tour Bus

Next stop: Thurston Lava Tube.

The Thurston Lava Tube was created when magma rushed from the top of the volcano’s flow to the ocean.  As the lava cools it hardens around the flowing magma – and the flowing magma flows to the sea.  Overtime, the magma runs out and leaves a tube like tunnel.  We were lucky to arrive at the lava tube two minutes after our cruise line friends.  If you’ve ever wanted to walk at the pace of an 80 year old down wet steps through a dark, wet, smelly tube then this was just the time and place.  We walked through the lava tube and wondered if we could walk any slower?  Partly to blame were the large puddles in the tube that were splashing on a few 80 year-old ankles wearing sandals…it did get a little dicey. It’s a shame to focus on the people around you but when that’s all you can see and hear it becomes impossible to ignore.

After the lava tube we had a tough decision to make.  Since the park was closed we had to ask each other whether or not we wanted to drive around the park and see lava flow outside the park – another 2 hours or drive for 45 minutes and see the steam of the lava flowing into the ocean from inside the park.  Since we all were tired of driving we decided to stay inside the park and drive to the ocean and see the steam of where the flowing lava was hitting the ocean – we drove down the winding road through lava fields and got to the end of the road.  It was easy to call it the end of the road – because there was literally no road left to travel.  The lava flowed over the road in the 1990s and closed the road with a 15-20 foot wall of lava.  We parked the car and walked down the shoreline to a vantage point where we could see the steam from the ocean.  Even from a mile away it was amazing to see Mother Nature creating new land before our eyes.  We tromped around the black rock; really an amazing site to see! Back to the car and off to lunch.

We all enjoyed a wonderful lunch at Kiawe Kitchen near the volcano. This restaurant was located in Volcano, HI.  It was attached to a Hawaiian-style quickie mart, but much classier than your average Carls Jr. We all had pizza (which was quite tasty) and enjoyed the rest after a long tour of the park.

Next Stop: Volcano Country Club.

I don’t know why I expected the course to be better than it was; maybe because they called it a country club?  Nevertheless, the course wasn’t better than any municipal we’d ever seen.  It was a perfect dive for the locals who live around the volcano as the course was literally right next to the caldera we looked at earlier in the day.  Despite the run-down nature of the facility I bought a hat, as I knew I would never run into another ‘main-islander’ with a Volcano Golf hat on.

Next Stop: Punalu’u Black Sand Beach.

The next stop for our group was the Punalu’u Black Sand Beach.  We spotted the black sand beach in the Big Island Revealed Book (bible) and all agreed it was a must see.  As we headed from Volcano Country Club to the Black Sand Beach, we got stuck behind another Roberts Hawaii Tour Bus on a two lane road – we knew our friends in the tour bus would be heading to the exact same location.  And they did.  When the tour bus took a left before our exit; we all got a little excited (phew, the bus is gone).  Little did we know it would arrive from the other entrance at the exact same time as us. We rushed out of the car and got to the beach before the bus unloaded. We snapped a couple of pictures and headed back to the car. As we headed back to the car we were greeted by something none of us expected – we must’ve hit the jackpot when we ran into the folks in the convertible mustang.  They asked our group “Do ya knaw wher da black sand beach is?” It’s not as if the black sand beach was a far distance from the parking lot – it’s not as if there isn’t any signs that say “BLACK SAND BEACH” and it’s not as if the black sand beach isn’t the most obvious thing on the island. This would be like standing in front of the Eiffel Tower in Paris and asking where the Eiffel Tower is.  Nevertheless, Ash politely pointed to these toothless southerners the direction of the beach (the direction they were already facing).  We all agreed their kids pitched in together to send the folks to Hawaii from Arkansas for a 50th wedding anniversary – or Marlboro paid for a trip to the island with their 1,000 carton purchase – or the owner of the trailer park paid for their trip to keep them from suing him when the double wide rolled down the hill.  Regardless how they got there, it was a true test for our group not to yell, “where’s the hidden camera”!?!  So from now on when you hear, “Do ya knaw wher’ da black sand beach is?” you’ll know what it means.

Next Stop: Greenwell Coffee Plantation.

We all agreed we had to hit a coffee plantation while we were on the island.  We all also agreed that we had been in the car way too long on the trip to the volcano.  We also agreed that we didn’t want to drive back towards the volcano again that trip so we hit The Greenwell Coffee Plantation as we drove back to the condo.  We went to this place because the book (Big Island Revealed) ranked it in the top three and because we all remembered where it was.  We pulled in at 4:30 pm and the last plantation tour went out at 4:00 pm.  Therefore, we bought our coffee and hit the road.  I have to say this was some of the best coffee I’ve ever had and plan on ordering some over the Internet.

We capped the day off at the condo; not before we walked to the ocean at the peak of the golf course where we wanted to see where the path took us.  We were slightly disappointed as all we saw was a bunch of locals fishing and we headed back to the condo for a few beers before heading out for an amazing sushi dinner.

We all agreed that we enjoyed the drive but would pass on touring the volcano next time.

Hello all! I’m sorry I haven’t written in a while. I’ve actually been in Canada for a week. Stay tuned for some good Canada Stories. It’ll entail Border Patrol (not the sex roll-play game, but the real deal – US Customs), The Wife being pulled over by the RCMP (Royal Canadian Mounted Police, or Mounties as you may know them, or as The Big Guy calls it, Roman Catholic Member of Parliment) and fishing for the first time on a lake.

In the mean time as promised, my guest writer, Devin Asbury, has drafted a nice post outlining the Thursday events while we were on The Biguyland in Hawaii last month. There were some great stories to come out of just one day of travel. Enjoy!

We decided about halfway through the trip to start pronouncing The Big Island as “The Biguyland” (biGw-eye-land).  This was due to Devin telling us how someone he knew from Long Island, NY pronounced it “Longuyland” (lon-Gw-eye-land).  We thought that was funny and thus it is now The Biguyland.  The Biguyland is really amazing.  So much to do there with it being the biggest of the islands.  Plus, the max speed there is 55 unlike all the other islands where it’s 35.  You can get around a heck of a lot quicker than the others.  Good thing too because the Biguyland is the biggest by far.  We really enjoyed the area.  Here is the rundown of our week:

Saturday
After a 6 hour flight from Seattle to Kona Airport, we arrived.  Robyn & Devin we’re to arrive about an hour and a half before and get the car rental.  When we arrived, we couldn’t find them.  My cellphone wasn’t working {Frerking (big ups to The Greatest Vet of All Time, Dr. Thad Frerking) AT&T and their service} and The Wife couldn’t get them on the phone – straight to voicemail.  After about 45 minutes of beating my phone on the baggage claim conveyer belt and then restarting it, we found out that their flight was delayed in San Franisco because the cargo door on the plane wouldn’t shut.  I’ll bet it was just a seat belt caught in the door that no one saw.  Trying to be ahead of the game and being that Devin was behind schedule because of his “seat belt” incident, I decided to pick up the rental car.  I tried to rent the car from National Car Rental, but since my name wasn’t Devin and I wasn’t an Emerald Member, they showed me the door – to the bus back to the airport.  The driver laughed at me.

When Robyn and Devin finally got in 2 hours later, we were finally on our way.  Well, sort of.  We had planned on going to Costco on the way to our condo.  If you’ve ever been to Hawai’i, you’ll realize that there are only 4 rental cars to choose from (Ronnie Drama warned me of this): a Mustang Convertible, a Jeep Wrangler, a Chevy Malibu or a Chevy Impala.  That’s it.  Lucky, Devin’s Emerald Membership scored him an upgrade: the Chevy Impala.  I only say luckily, because we had 4 golf bags, The Wife’s giant suitcase (that is always over weight and we always have to move items from it into another bag), two duffel bags, one computer bag, The Wife’s Coach Old Lady Purse (which carries everything that wouldn’t fit in the giant suitcase), two purses and my leather travel set (Johnston and Murphy laptop case and carry on suitcase that I bought because I wanted to be like Scott Robertson).  Here’s what fit in the trunk: The wife’s giant suitcase.  The rest of the luggage was strategically placed in the car and we sat indian style on bags all the way to the condo – we decided to go to Costco later as we didn’t have room for groceries with all the luggage.  After a run to  Costco we stopped back by the condo and then headed to LuLu’s.  It’s a nice restaurant – kind of a college style place that you know gets really crazy on weekends and holidays.  I had a Hawaiian Chicken Burger and it was delightful.

Sunday
After waking up, I opened the Kashi cereal we bought at Costco.  It wasn’t my choice, but the ladies wanted it.  As I opened the box, I noticed that the bag was already opened.  Gross.  I threw that bag out.  After breakfast, we took Robyn to the pharmacy to get some medicine.  Her ear blew up.  While she and Devin waited, I hopped across the street to the Sack ‘N Save or whatever it was across the street.  I should have know this was going to be a failed attempt at shopping by the presence of oil stains in every single parking spot in the parking lot.  The ground beef didn’t look so good, but I was OK with it – hey, it’s vacation.  I started looking for the only cheese I’ll ever eat, Tillamook Cheddar, and settled for a second best Kraft version.  Then I went to get Simply Orange orange juice.  No luck – with that, I abandoned the store all together and headed up the hill for the Safeway.  There, I found everything I needed, including the very last package of Tillamook Cheddar Cheese.

We then headed over to the Mauna Kea Resort for the best brunch buffet I’ve ever eaten.  It was amazing – $50 a person and we ate like kings.  Devin at about $100 worth of sushi – to the point that the sushi chef was making custom orders for him.  He didn’t even eat fish before the trip.  After brunch, we headed down to the beach at the Mauna Kea Resort.  Amazing beach – great waves for body surfing, lots of people watching, good frisbee tossing.  After frying ourselves there, we headed back to the condo and started dinner – my famous, secret Sliders.  As I brought the burgers in from the grill, I saw a look of horror on the girl’s faces – something had gotten into our Hawaiian Sweet Rolls and had eaten half of one, foil pan and all.  They were so grossed out that I don’t think my Sliders were a very big hit.  We later found out that the short 2 minute stay on the front stairs was all a mongoose needed to grab a bite before the rolls were taken into the condo.  Too bad we found that out after we called maintenance and had them set some traps.    When we grabbed the Tillamook Cheddar Cheese from Safeway, it was moldy.  Apparently, I missed the gaping whole in the package.  No wonder it was the last one.  My bad.

Monday
After some exploration of the area on foot, we headed over to the Makalai Golf Club to play our first of two days of golf.  I hadn’t played in a year and a half, so I didn’t play so well.  It’s a beautiful course, very tropical.  There were peacocks everywhere and one time, when The Wife was swinging, one whistled at her like a construction worker.  The course is really amazing – it’s on the mountainside so you’re either teeing uphill or down.  After golf, we stopped at The Kona Brewing Company.  They make some great beers – The Longboard Lager, Wailua Wheat and Big Wave are my favorites.  I also had the Fire Rock Pale Ale which I’m not a huge fan of, but it was good.  Pizzas and beer after golf, not a bad way to go!

Makalei Golf Club

Kona Brewing Company

Tuesday
With a full day ahead of us, we went for a drive to the north side of the island.  We drove through Waimea which is a cool little town.  If you head north of Waimea, the road ends at a valley called Waipi’o.  It’s absolutely breathtaking.  As I sat and gazed over the edge of the cliff, down about 1,000 feet at the valley floor and the lava beach below, I heard Devin come out of the bathroom and say, “144.”  The Wife asked for clarification and he replied “144 people were raped and murdered in that bathroom.”  The beautiful view was soon clouded by the water in my eyes from laughing so hard.  After leaving the viewpoint, we headed back to Kona and stopped at Hapuna Beach, just north of Kona.  Again, great beach, very similar to Mauna Kea Resort beach.  Lots of people, lots of body surfing.  The waves started getting big there and I wished I had a surfboard – and that I knew how to surf.  We left Hapuna Beach and headed over to the Hilton Resort.  Woah – that’s a big place.  They have a tram that travels around the property.  There’s a huge lagoon in the middle and pools everywhere.  You can even swim with dolphins.  Next, we headed over to the Merrimans Market Cafe for some dinner.  We ordered some Mai Tai’s and hummus.  Good stuff.  With a limited menu, we then headed over to the Kona Inn Restaurant for some fish.  I had the Mahi Mahi, The Wife had Ahi, Devin had blackened Ahi, and Robyn had some stuffed tasty fish.  Great restaurant, great service, though I did feel a little bad because our server had a lithp and I quoted Sean Aston’s character from 50 First Dates, not realizing the server was behind me.  Me and my damn inappropriate mouth!

Wednesday
Devin and I went over to the Kona Country Club and hit some balls while the girls headed over to The Kona Farmers Market, which they thoroughly enjoyed.  They would have bought pineapples there, but we bought 3 when we shopped on Saturday.  Good old Costco – putting the farmers out of business.  After a hiatus at the pool, we headed over and played The Ocean Course at Kona Country Club.  It was a nice little course.  It was no Makalai Golf Club, but was still nice.  Much flatter.  I played significantly better.  The Ocean Course is a little deceiving as there are only technically 3 or 4 holes actually on the ocean.  The rest are surrounded by condos. It didn’t bother me…I liked it anyway.  After golf, we headed back to the condo, did some pool time and grilled up the steaks we bought at Costco with my famous, secret steak recipe.  The Mongoose^TM did not eat those.  We did have quite a few margaritas and I believe there may have been some pictures taken of a couple of dudes climbing on the lava rock by the ocean.

Thursday
I’m not going to cover this day for two reasons:

1. This post is getting absurdly long
2. Devin is going to write about our Thursday Adventures as my new guest blogger.

Friday
We began our day at Lava Java, a quaint little breakfast joint in Kona.  Breakfast there is AWESOME!  I had the 18 Wheeler, even though it wasn’t on the menu (I ordered it at some restaurant once, don’t remember the name).  Our last day together as Robyn and Devin were to head back to the Main Land, we decided to beach it.  There were two beaches to choose from – one was a short drive from the main road and about a 15 minute walk, the other was a longer, rough road drive and about a 5 minute walk.  We opted for the shorter walk.  The beach is called Mahaiula Beach and you have to take a road that us pretty unkept.  We were behind a Dodge mini-truck and the driver was acting like it was a really technical road.  It seemed like it took forever to get there.  Once we arrived, we hiked in with 4 chairs, two beach bags and looked like total tourists.  We fit right in, because so did everyone else.  Now this beach was really pretty, but it was a pretty heavy slope.  The water was sitting on a lava bed, so it was very difficult to manuever, plus it sloped so much, you couldn’t really go very much body surfing.  It was pretty breathtaking though, so we didn’t complain.  Afterward, we headed back to the condo and swam for a short stint, then headed to Costco for some gifts to take back and then round 2 at LuLu’s.  The Wife and I weren’t that hungry so we split an apertief.  After taking Robyn and Devin to the airport, we went back to Kona and ate a late dinner at Huggo’s.  It was really nice – seaside, it was actually situated over the ocean.  There were wave crashing right up to the rocks below our table.  Really romantic as you can guess, we headed back to the condo and called it a night.  That’s right folks, a nice romantic dinner and then we passed out cold.  Welcome to married life!

Saturday:
After waking up and heading over to Lava Java for breakfast, I scoured Kona for a Volcom T-Shirt I really wanted, but World Core Surf Shop didn’t have in a large.  Of course, Robyn and Devin are perfect human specimens that fit into EVERYTHING, and wouldn’t you know, they had the shirt in a medium and he bought it.  I think he did it to get under my skin.  I think this because he wore it 3 times during the trip.  Damn World Core.  We didn’t find the shirt and had to head to the airport.  That was the last I saw of Kona, other than the occaisional websearch trip down memory lane because we didn’t bring camera chargers so we have no photos!